8/30/19

Everyone’s been talking about how 
the universe will either expand 
indefinite cold star death
or collapse and then repeat itself

meanwhile i’m a slave proper
in every sense of the word physical
bound to the elements hunger
a criminal for speaking my thoughts aloud

a loud or a soft noise unheard
unseen and unknown and unthinkable
still I would try to define it
humanity, always effing the ineffable

i’m one and apart and the same all the same
the universe cloaked in name after name
every man and woman a star
in their own drama melodrama how dramatic

i am in a word addict
again you might say i’m back at it
rhyming with rhythm but static
sense or nonsense and i’ve had it 

koans

like koans
halting in their tracks
your logical thought
processes like a train, black and long
when it runs in a padded room
small, silent, white

Written ca. 2006

Kerux

the angel called out to me
Recite! 
But I said, 
“what will I recite with these unclean lips? “

So the angel ripped my larynx
out of my throat
and set it on fire
until it burned to ashes

then I began to recite

ca. 2011

Just More Nonsense From Within Our Captivity

i and i wept
by the waters of Knoxville
remembering Zion
repatriation, what a notion
slowly, we came to our senses

the brave new world
closing in around us
we sought our refuge
at the doors of perception

timothy leary and
Marcus Garvey
were on a bad trip
together one day
when it began to snow outside
like grace
from heaven, falling
i was there with them
the angel of death

my thanatalivity
is all i know now
i will make it
to the end

ca. 2012

Hubris Geneseos

Kerouac, if i share your life
must i also share your death? 
the inherent conflict lies in striving
only to be laid to rest

it weaves itself like black golden thread
through our dreams before we were human
collectively we are so much less
so much more
and soon

then i was face to face 
with the limits of love and grace
and every word i said
echoed back at me in the silence of my own mind

there, no sorrow
there, no regret
there, only me
and yet
and yet…

the hubris of giving birth
is the prime mover of this universe
and bearing the light, if i consume
my body, my soul, inside this womb
and draw all men into myself
until i am a living, breathing, burning tomb

until reality is compounded and condensed in me
until i’m a light which cannot see 

ca. 2011

Flight

I woke up 
opened my eyes 
i was alone 

and then, just as quickly as the terror had come and passed 
the moment was so beautiful that i refused to capture it 

Jesus christ 
save my soul. Jesus christ, make me whole 

the turbulence reached for me 
but i was beyond it then
i’d sought for the Spirit 
a different spirit came and went 
i’m still looking 
still looking 

but even the inadequacy of words is muted 
right now 
we are living in different worlds 
not only from one another, but particularly from ourselves 
the pride of life courses through the brokenness of language 
wanting, however, the Spirit of Truth 

but i am looking 
we are all looking

and just when i’d thought i was barren, She did come again 
even in the mess i was in 
like a baby, lying in a manger 
I woke up 
opened my eyes
I was home 

April, 2019

Fallen

so there really is no end to this
faded snapshots, fleeting bliss
all i’m left with is desire
this my hell, and that my fire

archer shot too high and far
borrowed moments from the stars
now my time is free for all
never fall free from the law

my muse a slave, i sold my rights
in one too many stolen nights
moth to flame for city lights
a god has fallen slain tonight 

ca. 2014

Ephemera II

even now has come to an end
the world that once was then
when
the nights were young
full of natural electricity

you may find yourself
standing in a place so unfamiliar
yet so full of such bewildering
similarity
to something you knew before

then, 
you may just be watching
the wind as it plays
in ripples on the surface of the water
which passes under your feet
standing on a bridge 

ca. 2011 – 2012

Dry Drunk

i was born
to a mother who always is
trying to destroy me

my father
left
long before
i was born
i can never seem to find
where he’s at

i’m so dry
such a dry, dry drunk
white knuckle sober

ca. 2011 – 2012

Cells

remember when you sat in asylum
and heard sounds from the other side
when i soothed you with that children’s song
high above the lamentation
up on the desert plain

remember when you sat among the violent
and heard through the haze
the passionate rhythm 
the voice always with you

remember when your eyes were opened
to sun-colored fields
and to fields of radiant souls
each one cut and multi-faceted
each one perfect in its own poverty

remember when you looked down from that hill
on the sparkling city-lights below
and the city was transformed
and lived and breathed
and ran through you like divine blood
like Zion itself, consumed in your holy communion

I run through your memories
christening them holy
I breathe into your crowded slum
until every rock, and the dung strewn on the dirt path
are all lovely
worthy of worship all along

remember the fury with which I destroyed you
when you paced, heart racing
in your jail cell
when I set my wolves on you

remember the endless, stretching months
that all seemed like years and years
when I unleashed my plague of locusts
into your scrambled brains
when you found no rest in sleep
and your flesh burned through the day
when I breathed fire and consumed your little house
and you stood there naked and aghast
in a mechanistic universe that hated you through and through
a starving animal, you cowered in fear
thirsty longing to find shelter from the sun

i run through my memories
latent and potent in every cell, every member
i remember 

ca. 2012