the angel called out to me
But I said, 
“what will I recite with these unclean lips? “

So the angel ripped my larynx
out of my throat
and set it on fire
until it burned to ashes

then I began to recite

ca. 2011

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Just More Nonsense From Within Our Captivity

i and i wept
by the waters of Knoxville
remembering Zion
repatriation, what a notion
slowly, we came to our senses

the brave new world
closing in around us
we sought our refuge
at the doors of perception

timothy leary and
Marcus Garvey
were on a bad trip
together one day
when it began to snow outside
like grace
from heaven, falling
i was there with them
the angel of death

my thanatalivity
is all i know now
i will make it
to the end

ca. 2012

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Very rough, very early outline of upcoming issues in the Argument from Beauty series (personal notes made via a mindmap)

  • Rational analysis allows for indifferent creators, but one way is driven by fear, and the other by courage to believe in the beautiful
  • No beauty without suffering
    • Micro suffering, like working in an office
      • Armchair philosophy or theology vs trench philosophy or theology
    • No empathy without suffering
  • What would Jung say about The Beautiful
    • The whole field of aesthetics
    • What did Plato say about the beautiful
      • Platonic aesthetics
  • Choosing what you believe
    • The ubermensch
    • Scripture as a divine evolutionary rorschach test
      • A lot of scripture and life to support this
    • Haireo heresy
  • The beautiful is also the good, the truth, the life, and Love itself
    • God is: the logos, Agape, a burning fire, what else? Also the many Jewish names for god
      • Fascinating that Bible doesn’t say Jesus is God. Back to the element of personal choice and haireo heresy
      • Burning fire as metaphor or as panentheistic. Cf gnostic gospels with Jesus saying panentheistic things about himself. Also eat my flesh and drink my blood
      • Does the Greek also say love is God?
    • Eternal life is a quality of life that transcends what we think of as life
    • Aletheia is unforgettable because it is beautiful
  • The fundamental problem of philosophy
    • The need for other sources of knowledge (emotion/intuition/BEAUTY)
    • In light of relativism, but distinguished from relativism
  • Mentions of beauty in scripture
  • The opposite of beautiful
    • Beauty wealth success
    • Our cultural obsession with beauty
    • So what is truly unbeautiful?
      • Indifference
        • Beauty is a passion
          • People seek meaning, experience of being alive, or is it all beauty we’re after?
          • Empiricism and rationalism take passion out of knowledge
          • Nihilism.. Removing the beauty from the cosmos
          • Christians take passion out of love
    • Humble
    • Jesus was not physically beautiful
    • Buddha is a shit stick
  • The philology of beauty
    • Whatever is lovely, think on these things
      • Corinthians love verse as meditation on the beautiful
      • How little we meditate on beauty that isn’t skin deep
    • Love as the glue of the universe
      • The unforgivable sin
        • Unforgiveness as unforgivable
          • On the surface, blasphemy seems less grave Than torturing someone to death, for example
          • Forgiveness comes from seeing the good
            • Love doesn’t take evil into account
      • Beauty as the connecting or ordering principle in cosmos
        • Logos as connecting ordering principle
          • When meaning becomes desire in the Buddhist sense
            • Our purpose driven life obsession doesn’t seem biblical
          • Meaning, beauty, suffering as ultimate subjectives
            • Subjective meaning as haireo
              • As many paths to God as there are subjective beings
          • Logos as story or meaning
        • Most beautiful arrangement per heraclitus
    • Idolatry
      • A life purpose
      • Everything Pursuit but perfect love/beauty
        • The beauty in the love of Mary magdelines TWO annointings
          • Jesus wagered his life on his conviction that love conquers death
        • Only those conquer death
        • Only those are separate from egoic construed self
      • Romantic love
      • Beauty you can see eidol
    • Beauty, like love, conquers the good/evil duality
      • God created, then “saw” that it was good
        • Goodness, beauty, completion, perfection, bride,
          • The finished work
            • The ache of the unfinished
              • Longing
              • Gestation
              • Labor pains
    • Eye of the beholder and:
      • beauty and suffering as most objective things there are
    • Biblical theology can go either way, but only one way is beautiful
    • Love is the only thing that makes things beautiful
      • If I be lifted up, I will draw all men to me
      • Sans love, all is grotesque
      • The innocence and purity seen in pets/animals in contrast to humans (think sneebles and phoebe), combined with realization that it is because of love; otherwise, they are grotesque
    • Faith, the substance of things not seen. The evidence of things hoped for
    • God is the only thing there is… Thus, the restoration of all back into god
      • The passion of a God who:
        • Weeps because the people were like sheep without a Shephard
          • Pursues beings across eons to rescue them from samsara… Their eons of suffering… Of being alone
            • Death being mercy to beings who have no rest, who ruin their souls, who need a new start.. A new morning/day
              • Like sleep is mercy from the day’s weariness
            • Song of Solomon
          • Expedient/skillfull means. Upaya
          • Hangs naked on a cross asking only for the forgiveness of those who know not what they do (also, beautiful) … Perish lack of knowledge
          • The people perish for lack of knowledge
    • Upside Down
      • Spiritual economics of scarcity
        • Scarcity is manmade
          • Economics of scarcity is perpetuated by the economists of rational self interest
            • Self interest is death
          • Man is not rational
            • The.commodification of reason
            • The repression of depth psychology (yes, irony)
            • The pathologizing of emotion
            • Rational self interest and scarcity are like holding only to classical physics when we’re in the cusp of post quantum physics
          • Man is to blame for spiritual scarcity
          • Nature has scarcity, but man is made to conquer it
      • Twitter follow ratio (Twitter rewards people for having “followers” whom they do not follow back. In other words, it rewards the having of “followers”, rather than “friends” or “connections”)
    • Finished Work
    • ETTMT (Pragmatic, but:

    By their fruit you will know them) text the spirits.. You know not of what spirit you are

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    Hubris Geneseos

    Kerouac, if i share your life
    must i also share your death? 
    the inherent conflict lies in striving
    only to be laid to rest

    it weaves itself like black golden thread
    through our dreams before we were human
    collectively we are so much less
    so much more
    and soon

    then i was face to face 
    with the limits of love and grace
    and every word i said
    echoed back at me in the silence of my own mind

    there, no sorrow
    there, no regret
    there, only me
    and yet
    and yet…

    the hubris of giving birth
    is the prime mover of this universe
    and bearing the light, if i consume
    my body, my soul, inside this womb
    and draw all men into myself
    until i am a living, breathing, burning tomb

    until reality is compounded and condensed in me
    until i’m a light which cannot see 

    ca. 2011

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    it’s ready to happen
    hours count down to launch, but the burners hum already
    the structure is taken up
    siphons slowly into the bloodstream

    the catalyst, the moment
    the agonist, the imitator

    the perceptual set is set, and it’s famished
    not even lit, and it’s waiting for more- 
    the stimulant, the ignition
    the doctor, the system

    like inlets of blood, the freeways carry us to the city
    like carcinogens, like poison medication
    like aluminum, like exhaust

    i too am carried
    and when i reach that center
    i am deposited, and begin to take effect
    while i wait for my own poison to take hold of me
    blood within Blood
    poison in Poison
    medication in Medication in MEDICATION
    we make sure all of our cancers are medicated

    it has happened already
    but i am waiting for it to happen again
    the freeway now quiets itself in anticipation
    a new day to repeat
    the city is ready for more

    ca. 2006

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    Gloria Inferni

    hell is not hot
    if you think it is, it’s just because you haven’t been there
    hell is like cool drink of water
    but it gets under your skin
    gets right where it hurts the most
    understands your weaknesses
    anticipates your failures
    its always there waiting

    hell is not
    anything you would expect
    because the glory of hell
    is to give the unexpected

    ca. 2012

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    Get it Right

    go to school
    obey authority
    follow tradition
    join society

    go to church
    worship god
    get married
    get a job

    pay rent
    be responsible
    have children
    stay faithful

    work harder
    be productive
    rest and silence
    are vulgar, seductive

    wear clothes
    don’t offend
    don’t care
    just pretend

    act normal
    stand in line
    grow old
    now you die

    ca. 2016

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    go gently, gently, into that good night
    i will not rage
    against the dying of the light

    the light is blinding
    and i am burned
    leaving forgotten, all i have spurned

    hello Darkness, my old friend
    please impale my two-part heart
    with the bleeding tip of my black-blooded pen
    that way, maybe
    that way, we will never speak again

    in that sleep, surely no nightmares
    may come
    that are worse
    than the present one

    send me quietly into that good night
    i will not fight
    the dying of the light 

    Written ca. 2011

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    I woke up 
    opened my eyes 
    i was alone 

    and then, just as quickly as the terror had come and passed 
    the moment was so beautiful that i refused to capture it 

    Jesus christ 
    save my soul. Jesus christ, make me whole 

    the turbulence reached for me 
    but i was beyond it then
    i’d sought for the Spirit 
    a different spirit came and went 
    i’m still looking 
    still looking 

    but even the inadequacy of words is muted 
    right now 
    we are living in different worlds 
    not only from one another, but particularly from ourselves 
    the pride of life courses through the brokenness of language 
    wanting, however, the Spirit of Truth 

    but i am looking 
    we are all looking

    and just when i’d thought i was barren, She did come again 
    even in the mess i was in 
    like a baby, lying in a manger 
    I woke up 
    opened my eyes
    I was home 

    April, 2019

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    so there really is no end to this
    faded snapshots, fleeting bliss
    all i’m left with is desire
    this my hell, and that my fire

    archer shot too high and far
    borrowed moments from the stars
    now my time is free for all
    never fall free from the law

    my muse a slave, i sold my rights
    in one too many stolen nights
    moth to flame for city lights
    a god has fallen slain tonight 

    ca. 2014

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